Fucking N Cell Phone

‘Now you’re being silly,’ Tom smirked. ‘Let me tell you why I think that. First, you are a small timer with no contacts in this city. You’re from Montreal, and you thought this city would be a pushover for a guy with your smarts. ‘Trouble is, this is one tough city to play in. You try and muscle in on someone else’s game here and you can be found face down in a ditch, or floating in the harbor. You and your girlfriend Marcia had to play small time because that’s all you could be without getting in someone’s way. You just had the bad luck to pick the wrong family to play against.’ ‘You don’t scare me,’ Tremblay continued with his attempt at bravado. ‘No, I’m sure I don’t. However, some of the people at Canada Revenue might want to know more about your income sources. They would want to see records and interview clients, you know … the usual audit procedures,’ Tom said with a wry smile. ‘I’m not taking no cheque, that’s for sure …,’ Tremblay tried again. ‘This is a cash only. The contractor who was remodeling for me looked at the architect, who looked at me, with the same ‘you’ve got to be kidding’ glance. ‘Just follow the plans, gentlemen, and remember, the bonus is for beating the completion date. And the penalties start the next day.’ I’ve been dealing with contractors since I’ve been in short pants, it seems, the universal language of ‘money’ always talks louder than words. Okay, I know. ‘Where did the money come from for this kind of place?’ Everyone asks me the same question. Some of it was from my former mother-in-law, a world traveler before she married the father-in-law who was a retailer and tighter than a horse’s asshole in fly season. When she finally stopped bugging the wife and me, i.e. ‘went to her reward’, I decided to take what she left us and do something that would shock and disgust all the rest of the relatives. And at the same time fill a niche here that was untouched by anyone else in town. If the MIL was imitating a hamster wheel in.
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